That’s not wood.
That’s so cool my dog just burst into flames.
And now I’m kinda pissy-pants because I had to pour my beer Pepsi on him to put his sorry ‘Oh-crap-I’m-engulfed-in-flames-again’ ass out.
Where was I? Oh yeah, the tile. That is a mural created by a tile ninja by the name of Marc from A Pile of Tile. I don’t know if that’s supposed to be him or not but if it is he’s in a bit of denial about the amount of hair he currently sports.
Lucky for you he does not have the hindrance of the whole ‘hair got in my eyes while I was cuttin’ your tile’ excuse I’m so fond of using. And if you ever actually see me or a picture of my head you’ll know I’m full of shit too.
Just get a hold of Marc using one of the 72 ways at the bottom of this post he sent me for you to contact him, and you too can turn that work of art you scribbled on that bar napkin into an everlasting tile and stone mural with which to impress women, amaze friends, and make the current caretakers of the Taj Mahal jealous. All that from a little bar napkin! Marc’s a talented guy.
So here’s what Marc can do – he takes the picture of you and that ‘woman’ your buddy snapped at the bar at 2am the other morning and turns it into a tile mural. Now, just to cover Marc’s ass here a little bit – yes, the ‘woman’ in the mural has a mustache. Look closely at that photo when you sober up. It’s not his fault.
Now if I happen to be your buddy that snapped that picture – you’re screwed. See, I know what a talented guy Marc is. I’ll send him that photo and a blank check faster than you can say ‘crying game’ and blackmail your ass for eternity. In fact I’d probably just forego the whole blackmail thing and install it on the front porch of your future ex-wife’s house.
Which means it will never be removed.
‘Cause I’m a tile guy and I know how that shit works.
Or, here’s a more pleasant scenario if you’re like me and only drink when the sun goes down Pepsi. Say you have that favorite childhood/vacation/car/boat/lake photo. Shoot Marc a copy of that and let him work his magic. Then you can have that as a permanent reminder of the better times of your life. You know – when you weren’t sitting around in the middle of the afternoon in your boxers reading a tile blog while you bullshit your wife into thinking you’re doing ‘research’ on that shower you promised to tile seven months ago.
Or just tell him what you want. Call him up and say ‘hey, make me a platypus out of travertine’ and he’ll do it! He’s not a smart ass like me. He won’t say ‘POOF! You’re a platypus out of travertine.’ He’ll actually make one for you.
On a side note: I never thought I would use the phrase ‘platypus out of travertine’, let alone twice in one paragraph. And once more in the paragraph after that.
One of the coolest things about Marc’s murals is that he doesn’t use one of those fancy-ass cnc machines to cut the tile shapes – he does it all by hand. I think he uses a light saber but you’ll have to verify that with him. That’s talent right there – light saber or not!
Now, if you regularly read my blog you know I don’t promote, well, anything. Ever. I don’t have three million ads in your face. I don’t make you wade through countless pop-ups to get your information. I don’t even ask for donations to my beer Pepsi fund.
The only thing on this site that comes close to selling are the specific tile products I use which just so happen to be top of the line. If you don’t use them – so be it. So believe me when I tell you that something is worth buying you should damn well look into it. And no – I don’t get one red cent or a bottle of scotch case of Pepsi if you buy his stuff. It’s not that he’s a cheap bastard (he is – but that has nothing to do with it) it’s just that I think his stuff excellent.
Marc’s stuff is worth buying. In fact, the next time my dog bursts into flames I’m gonna take a picture and have a mural made. I’ll bet he’s never done a flaming dog before.
If you need a kick-ass, most awesome-ist, coolest pieces of tile on the face of the planet (and everyone needs at least one – just sayin’) get a hold of Marc. Seriously, call him at 970-712-8525. Or call him at 303-736-9845. Or email him at Marc@APileofTile.com. Or send up smoke signals from your dog’s back – he just burst into flames. Again.
Tell him what you want and then try really hard not to sit by your mailbox in unfettered anticipation. And DO NOT stalk the UPS guy! (again)
You can click on any of the photos for a full-size version of Marc’s awesomeness. And yeah, its tile. The same stuff you’re supposed to be installing in your shower right now.
Go put your dog out. Better yet – take a picture and send it to Marc.